I'm ba-ack....

Yeah, I know, I've been AWOL for a while. Blame Mom Nature and my complete lack of opposable thumbs. And plain old Mom. Because she's been "busy" and unable to help me type.

First, Mom and Dad had the first car race of the season last Saturday, and we didn't get to go!!! I mean, just because the House with Wheels is still down south, and we'd have had no place to hang out, and there wasn't any place at the venue to park it, is that any excuse not to bring us? Oh, I guess it is. Nevermind. Apparently Mom and Dad had a lot of fun; they drove the Big Yellow Car, and I guess after Mom drove, Dad was a little nervous that he might not be able to beat Mom! (He did end up beating her by a fair amount, but it sounds like Mom drove pretty well, and is very happy that she made Dad nervous, if only for a little while!)

Big Yellow Car at tech; Mom didn't get any action shots. Something about either driving or working. Sounds like a lame excuse to me!

We all stayed home; I got to be Free Range, because I'm Responsible, while Abby was in her crate, because she "can't be trusted" and TaiChi was in her crate because she tends to wander and get stuck in corners if she is left to roam free. We weren't stuck alone all day, though. Mom had arranged for Jessi, the lady who is teaching Mom to feed us turkey hotdogs, to come by a couple of times and let us out and play and feed us and let us drink and pee and stuff. And that was really good. Except that Abby was still mad at Mom and Dad for leaving her alone most of the day, so when Mom and Dad got home, Abby peed on the bed! Way to show 'em, Abby! Heehee!

*ahem*

After the car race, Mom was focused on getting the two of them ready for a big ski race. And yes, they were going to leave us! I know that Jessi would have fed us lots of turkey hotdogs because she was going to stay with us, but still... But Sunday, Dad got hit by a snowboarder, and got hurt enough that he's not going to be able to ski race. He's not hurt super bad, but enough that he can't ski race for a while. And while I'm sorry that Dad got hurt and that he won't have a chance to ski race, I'm very happy that Mom and Dad aren't going anywhere. So are Abby and TaiChi; we'd all much rather have Mom and Dad home!

Mom says that they have another car race (where she'll actually try to get some pictures), and then we are all going to go down south to get the House With Wheels. Yay! Back to the House With Wheels!!! And then we'll be able to go to all the car races with them!!! Mom says that we might be able to spend some time in southern Utah, which means lots of hiking and trips into Zion Nat'l Park (on the ONE trail I can go on), and trips to Wal-Mart to look at the polygamists (or shop, or something).

In the meantime, we got a teeny bit of new snow that we wanted to enjoy before it melts.

Heehee! Lookitme in the corner; I'm over-exposed!

Obligatory cute puppy picture. If you're into that sort of thing.

The little monster is getting bolder. And bigger!

Heehee. Chasing the little monster around the yard!

We've also been doing a bit of bitey face.

And a certain someone has decided that my ear is on her menu...

*sigh*

Oh. And one other thing.... Mom has decided that it is "better" for me (me?!?) for Abby to be in my dog class, so instead of Abby getting her private puppy lessons, she's in the class with me and this other dog named Bella. Mom's going to try to get pictures next week.

*kissey face*
-Fiona

Me Thinks Something is Rotten, and I Don't Think It Is The Trash (for once)

I must act fast, or I shall find that I have become Mango. No, not in a relentlessly huge, goobery, languorous, torpid, but magnificently so sort of way, but in a my-bloggie-is-being-taken-over-by-my-younger-sibling sort of way. Yesterday’s post? Who let the little rat near the computer? Not me, I tell you. Sure, when she gets old enough to have something worth saying, I might give her the opportunity to dip her unnaturally large toe in the water, but until then, nope. Look at poor Mango; master of his domain, until he put forth enormous effort to make the 2010 MangoMinster the raging success that it was, and he comes back to discover that his little brother has usurped his bloggie, and he’s stuck with unflattering picture of himself being posted, and has to suffer the indignity of the name of his bloggie being changed to "Mango and Dexter's Great Adventures". Poor guy! . This borders on the level of political upheaval in a banana republic (and I’m not talking about a store full of over-priced clothes for people who want to look like they have slightly more money that then people who shop at The Gap).

And I, for one, will not stand for it in Fionaland. Okay, technically it is TaiChiLand, but she has relinquished most of her power and public appearances in order than she may seek a More Perfect Nap. When it comes down to it, though, she still makes the important decisions, the red telephone rings directly through to her, and it is her voice alone that allows access to the nuclear arsenal launch codes.

*Betcha you didn’t think we had a nuclear arsenal, did you? Yeah well, this is Utah, and you can own pretty much any weapon in production, as long as you don’t point it directly at your neighbor’s living room window.*

*ahem*

I will quash any uprisings with impunity.


I’m just saying.


And Farley? I love you dearly, but your stated affections for the Little Monster my dear sister border on treason. I’m just saying. ;-) I know that it is easy to get suckered in by those Cute Puppy Pictures, but trust me, underneath that fuzzy exterior beats the heart of a monster. So don’t let down your guard!

Gah. Someone seems to keep hacking into my site and posting pictures of the Demon Spawn.

Besides, the Little Beast can’t even get up on the bed on her own without a child step.


And she hides under the bed to get away from the Jaws of Doom. Hee-hee.

Until she can get up on the bed by herself, and she out-weighs me, she won’t have anything to say. Trust me.

Even if I have to sit on her. Because we in Fionaland do not believe in "freedom of the press" (unless it is my freedom to press Abby into the mud/snowbank)....


And now that I have made that clear, we’ll return to our regularly scheduled blogging. Stay tuned!

*kissey face*

-Fiona, Supreme Dictator of Fionaland for Life

Wordless Wednesday

*neeneer-neener*
-Abby

Sun Tzu and the Art of Bitey-Face, Part 1

Before I entered my formal edjumacation at Petco U., I was home schooled. Which, among other things, included a lot of hours spent watching the History Channel while Mom and Dad were off bye-sickle-ing and car racing and doing whatever else it is that they do. The History Channel is great because you can learn all sorts of cool historical stuff, like how to build your own trebuchet and why Howard Carter is responsible for most of the Mummy movies . But I also learned about 'The Art of War' that this Chinese guy named Sun Tzu wrote about a million years ago (which would be about the time TaiChi was entering middle age). Very clever guy, this guy Sun. (Or is it Tzu? I get confused that way.)

Anyhoo, with the arrival of the Puppy Monster, I have decided that I should return to my studies of military tactics, and will be presenting to you, over time, my interpretation of Sun Tzu's work. I call it "The Art of Bitey-Face".

1: Other conditions being equal, if one force is hurled against another ten times its size, the result will be the flight of the former.

2:The skillful fighter puts himself into a position which makes defeat impossible, and does not miss the moment for defeating the enemy.


3:Ponder and deliberate before you make a move.


4: Reduce the hostile chiefs by inflicting damage on them; and make trouble for them, and keep them constantly engaged;

The 5th and Final Lesson of the Day: All armies prefer high ground to low.


I have to go back and study the book a bit more, because I know that he has a big section on maneuvering, but I can't remember what he has to say about levitation...


Thus concludes today's lesson on the Art of Bitey-Face.

*kissey face*
-Fiona

Uh-oh.

Maybe I should re-think that bitey-butt move.

Mom took Abby to the vet yesterday for her 12-week whatever-it-is-that-they-do thingy, and The Little Monster weighs 20 lbs!!! For reference, at my 12-week whatever, I was an ethereal 14 lbs. Um. If my math is right, that means that she is something like 40% bigger than me at the same age. If she continue on this trend, she'll be 70 lbs, to my petite 50 lbs.

Ulp.

Maybe she'll be a big lumbering 70lbs and I can out maneuver her. Or she'll stop growing next week. Or something.

The question is: do I beat up on her now, while I still have the advantage and take my licks later, or do I start playing nice now so that Rodan (as I envision Abby becoming) will take it easy on me? Decisions, decisions....

I mean, it is kind of fine bitey-ing the little monster. Maybe I'll just take my chances...


Besides, when the post person show up with pictures like these ones below, I am thinking that I should be allowed to bitey the "little angel" as often as I can. I mean, Oh Puh-Leeese! She is nowhere near as innocent in person as she is in these pictures.

(The pictures are hard copies and Mom tried to take digital pictures of them so she could post them, so they don't look quite as clear here as they do in person...)

*gag*

*kissey face*
-Fiona (the undersized?!? Arrrrgh!)

Awards and Cool Pressies!

As you may recall, TaiChi and I got a box from Mango a while back, and Mom FINALLY helped us open it.


And guess what?!? It was our awards from MangoMinster!!!!

*gah* I've tried loading this picture 3 times, and it is still sideways.. Oh well, you get the idea!

Here is the backsides of them:
How TOTALLY COOL!!!!

We are SO EXCITED!!! Mom and Dad have all these skiing and car racing trophies and medals and stuff, and we are so excited to have our very own medals!!!! These are Super Heavy Duty medals, too!!! We honestly didn't expect anything like this! (And I'm using a lot of exclamation points, because we really are super excited!)

So, of course, we had to model them. TaiChi, in keeping with her Bad Sport self, didn't see the need to actually wake up for the photo shoot.

So I offered to model them both. Because I make a good model, if I say so myself!

We haven't figured out a permanent place for them (although I think I'm going to try to hit Grandpa up to make a 'shadow box' frame for them. *hint*hint*), but at the moment, we felt that Mr. Bufus should have the honors.

Mango also sent us some MangoMinster magnets, but Mom didn't get a picture of them. We also a cool bag (I'm telling ya', this was a great box of goodies!) with some Most Excellent chewies and a toy. Mom managed to get a picture of the bag and toy before Abby stole the toy...

As for the chewies, we might have "tested" a few of the treats before Mom could get a picture.... (Now Mom wants to find more of them, since we gave them the 12 Paws Up stamp of approval - even though TaiChi didn't eat one, she still approved because we were too busy munching to accidentally jump on her!)

*ahem* (But they were tasty!)

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mango for the Most Excellent Award Box of Goodies!!!! This has been a great week, pressie-wise!

Speaking of awards, all three of us got and award from the Most Excellent Vizsla Dog, Dennis:

Too cool! Thanks very much, Dennis! If I understand this correctly, I'm supposed to give this to 15 people. Wow. 15. Hmmm. Totally at random (because I love all my friends) are 15 people: 1) Doby and Lola, 2) MollieJo and Bobo, 3) Farley 4) Twix (of the Most Excellent Paw-It-Forward packages!) , 5) The Schnoodles , 6) Sierra Rose , 7) Stacey Mae , 8) McGillicutty 9) The TN Bull 'Terrors' (heehee) 10) Benny and Lilly , 11) Lorenza (who is the Best Dresser I know!) , 12) Ginger Jasper (because I love kittehs, too!) 13) Abby (even though she shares a name with The Little Monster my dear sister) 14) Brutus (as an aside, Mom and Dad saw some Brutus look-alikes walking in the snow today and couldn't stop laughing) 15) Luna (whose Mom seems to spend almost as much time on Facebook as my Mom does... if that is possible)

*whew* That's a lot of people. Thanks for the award, Dennis, but next time could you give one that requires less people to pass it along to? Thanks! :-)

And on a final note, thanks for all the words of support regarding The Little Monster. I would like you to know, however, that I had the final word. (For now.)

*heehee*

*kissey face*
-Fiona

It's MY bloggie and I'm going to vent. So there.

If I hear “cute puppy” this or “smart puppy” that or “what a good puppy” One More Time, I think I’m going to hurl. Seriously. The Little Monster goes to PetCo for her Puppy Class and Mom comes back gushing about what a wonderful puppy the beast Abby is, and how everyone at the store thinks she’s So Cute. Oh please. They only see a hotdog-eating, eager-to-please little ball of fluff. They don’t see the monster that she becomes at home.

Good grief. You can see her tonsils.

That's my ear!!!

Even Mom and Dad buy into her shtick. I mean, they get so excited when she poops outside. Woo-hoo. That’s definitely Nobel prize-worthy. *sheesh*

And yesterday? Yesterday totally takes the cake. Mom takes The Monster to puppy class (which is still a class of one – probably because no one else wants to contaminate their dog by being around the Spawn of Satan), and the store is hosting a pet photo thing. So Mom gets some pictures of Abby looking (and I quote) “angelic”. Angelic?!? I think Mom must be stopping by the pub next door or something while Abby is sucking up to the dog trainer, because “angelic”? Not the Abby that I know. I take that back. She can work it when she wants to. I mean, here is the face that she puts on when she's suckering people into buying her Cute Puppy Act.

*gag*

Note from Mom: PetCo was doing one of those fund-raising things, and well, I couldn't help myself. And actually the first 6 pictures we got were a disaster as Abby couldn’t sit still to save her life. But we took a few more after class, after we had been practicing ‘sit’ and ‘down’ for quite a while, and yep. She’s cute. Painfully cute. We are getting hard copies of the pictures (alas, we couldn’t get digital copies), so when they arrive, I’ll figure out how to post them. But OMD. Abby was really working the Cute Puppy thing. Unfortunately, the photographer won’t be there tomorrow when Fi has class, so we’ll have to wait to get her portrait done…

*sigh*

But, at least I can still bitey-face her.

And while she thinks she can do snow-zoomies...

Here short little leggies means that she pretty much sticks to the places where the snow has melted.

While I can enjoy the snow in all its wonderfulness! Because I am all long-leggity-like.

*neener neener*

*kissey face* (unless you are Abby, in which case it is bitey-face all the way)
-Fiona

Winter is here, finally! (Hopefully)

Tank says Spring is coming, but looking at my yard, I think Winter has finally decided to pay us a visit. Given that our snow pack is at 60% of normal, we'll take all we can get! I mean, look at the utter lack of snow on our front porch!


We only have a bunch of snow in the back because Uncle Larry shoveled off our roof...

But, the snow is falling now, and we can do zoomies in earnest!

Even Abby's starting to figure out this snow thing...


Hey, Khyra, if you want to come visit, you are more than welcome!!!

Hopefully we'll have some Most Excellent snow pictures tomorrow - it has been storming since Mom took these pictures this afternoon!

*kissey face*
-Fiona

All sorts of excitement!

I'm afraid that if I keep starting posts with "Mom is such a slacker" that I'm going to just sound like a broken record. "Broken record." Teehee. Raise your hands if you've never seen a record before! Oh. That includes me. What is a record? Maybe Dennis knows...

Anyhoo, let's just accept as a postulate that Mom is a slacker. No proof is needed, and it doesn't need to be stated again. Okay? Okay. Let's move on.

First. Mom thinks that maybe she should change TaiChi's name to Lazarus. Because she's back to eating 2-3 meals a day with vigor. Obviously, anyone who is as old as Methuselah TaiChi is always day-by-day, but given what was going on a week ago, Mom thinks that TaiChi returned from the brink yet again. Which, of course, is very exciting for all of us! However, I think if Mom changes TaiChi's name now, everyone might get confused (especially since Mom seems to have a tough enough time getting our names right... I mean, I've been called 'Abby' on more than one occasion. Mom says it is genetic, but as usual, I have no idea what' she's talking about. Maybe Granny and Grandpa can shed a little light on that...), so I think TaiChi will remain TaiChi. Just so Mom's brain doesn't explode.


Now, on to the whole "school" thing. Hello!!! If someone (Mom!!!) had told me that there would be turkey hotdogs there, I would have insisted that I started school A Long Time Ago. I mean, I can deal with A LOT for turkey hotdogs. And the teacher? She suggested that Mom go buy some turkey hotdogs as special treats, so I totally like this teacher!!! Class itself was actually kind of fun (I got a toy to play with, as well as the turkey hotdog pieces, so that right there makes it a winner!). There is one other doggie in my class, an 8 month old terrier of some sort named Bella. She came with her whole entourage, including her two human brothers and her mom. The first 45 minutes of the class was spent doing stuff where I was supposed to focus on Mom rather than all the other Very Interesting stuff in the room. Our class is in one of the storage rooms for PetCo, so there are big pallets of bags of dog food, and treats and stuffies, and people come in and out of the room getting stuff, so it was Very Hard to focus on Mom. (But the turkey hotdogs really helped!) But, once I figured out that Mom was The Source of the turkey hotdogs, things went pretty well. Then, for the next part of the class, we did a 'socialization' exercise. Which seemed to consist of walking around PetCo and me meeting some other doggies. Mom seemed to be happy with how I dealt with the other doggies in the store. Then, at the very end, Bella and I went back into the room and we got to run around while the humans talked about "homework". I haven't seen Mom hitting the books, but Mom and I have been doing some stuff that involves turkey hotdogs (and other treats). I don't want Mom to get in trouble at the next class, so I hope that Mom is doing her homework, too!

Mom apologizes for no pictures, but she says that I have to be a little calmer before she can manage me, the turkey hotdogs and the camera. Hmmph. I wonder what she means by that.

Now, on to the next order of business. Pressies!!!

Mom actually feels guilty about this next part, but I keep telling her "better late than never".

TaiChi and I got a box from Mango yesterday, and Mom let us check it out...

But Mom said before we opened the box from Mango, we had another box to open.

Another box?!? Apparently Mom was part of Twix's Paw-It-Forward back in November (!), and a box arrived while we were in southern Utah, and because Mom wanted to get pictures, she wanted to wait until she had the time where she could devote a post to it, and things got busier, and, well, to make a long story short, we still had another box to open!

Abby offered to help me give Mom a guilt trip about waiting so long. (Twix even included a Christmas card - which should tell you How Long we've been waiting to open this!)

(Mom feels totally guilty now. This look gets her every time!)

Anyway, it was Well Worth the Wait!!! The box was jam-packed full of goodies!

A Most Excellent package!!! Thanks, Twix!

Needless to say, Abby generously "helped" me test out the goodies.


So even though it too us For Ever to get this box opened and the pictures posted, Thank You So Much, Twix!!!! You are the bestest!!!!

Now, we have to live up to our part of the bargain; the first 3 people who want to be part of the 'Paw-it-Forward' should leave a comment, and Mom will get in touch with you, and will send you a box of goodies; then, when you open your goodies, post pictures, and invite others to play.

Thanks again, and thanks for your patience, Twix!!!!

Mom says that we'll get the box from Mango opened in the next day or two; Abby and TaiChi have been sucking up a ton of Mom's time, and she seems to be tired all the time, so she's slow on getting posts done, and on following on other bloggies. Hopefully in time Mom can catch up on her sleep soon, and get back on track.

I think Abby is finally settling down for the night, so I'm going to nap while I can!

*kissey face*
-Fiona