An Update from the Complaint Department

Okay. Well. I’ve been reading all of your suggestions about the neglect and abuse that I am forced to endure, and I had a chat with Mom yesterday when we went on our hike. A Longer-Than-Usual Hike, I might add – almost 3.5 miles! Not our longest, but still pretty good. I was a wee bit tuckered out after it…. And snoozed for about 2 hours. Mom didn’t get to sleep as long – she had to make dinner!

Anyway on our hike, she explained to me about this ‘bye-sickle-ing’ thing. We live in the mountains (did I ever mention that before? We live in the mountains, and in the winter time lots of people spend lots of money to come here and ski…) and she said that pulling my 55 lb self and a trailer up many of the hills around here might be impossible for her. I told her that it would be good exercise for her, and she said that it wouldn’t be exercise if she couldn’t even make it up the hill that is a tenth of a mile into her ride. I think she could at least TRY…..

She also said that while going up the hills could be Very Hard, If Not Impossible, she descends some of these hills at over 30 miles an hour, sometimes in corners. I told her that Lance and I had gone faster than that in the Tour de France, and she said that Lance is a professional cyclist, and Very Good, and that there was a bit of a skill difference between her and Lance. Since Dad tells me that 3 years ago she was falling over at stop lights because she couldn’t get her feet out of her pedals, I’m willing to believe that maybe Lance is a better cyclist than Mom.

Mom said that she didn’t think that going down a hill at 30 miles an hour, with a trailer would be a good thing for either of us. And frankly, I agree – I’d hate to get bounced around inside my trailer if Mom crashed. Besides, I don’t like the sight of other people’s blood.

So, we have agreed that I won’t go on the ‘Bye-sickle-ing’ with them.

My Granny, however, sent me an email that I think will be Very Helpful:

Dear Fiona,

You certainly do have a case for complaints. I would suggest the pitiful route. Results seem more likely than with the whining approach, and hissy fits just engender a deaf ear. Pitiful can take many forms, including sitting at the door when someone FINALLY arrives home. Instead of jumping up with glee at the miscreant’s return, lying there, perhaps whimpering, is bound to turn on the guilt factor. While you’re alone, you could find some photos to bring up on the monitor, with the heading “Good Old Days” as a silent reminder. Another good tactic is to get a favorite toy, or even a leash, and make a determined but unsuccessful attempt – you’re too sad and dejected to be more enthusiastic – to throw the ball for yourself or to wrap the leash around yourself, ready for a walk. There are also some good websites that have articles on the benefits to a person’s health derived from ENJOYING life with a pet.

(Thanks, Granny! I'm going to get to work on these tactics right away!)

So I am practicing my pitiful look for when they come in the door. I tried it yesterday, and it Worked Really Well.

Mom took me on a Long Hike, and even got a few pictures. (Although she only had her phone, and not the camera, so the pictures aren’t exactly the best…)

Mom, would you get the water already. I'm HOT!

C'mon. Enough pictures already. There are flowers to sniff and bugs to try to eat.

See, much to sniff! Let's get a move on!

Onward and upward, Mom!

Oh, and on the way home? We saw this deer in our neighbor's front yard. I was pretending that I didn't see it, but when it took off (after Mom snapped the picture), I was already to chase it. But Mom wouldn't let me. Sometimes she can be No Fun At All. *sigh*

If Mom had actually brought the REAL camera, you could see the deer better....

So I’m going to keep practicing looking pitiful, and see if I can really work the guilt angle. It should at least get me more hikes, and possibly even some toys…. Here’s Mom’s latest attempt at bribing me…

Hey… Everyone has their price, right?!?


Thanks again for all the advice, and offers of new homes – I think you scared Mom into action!

*kissey face*
-Fiona