Sun Tzu and the Art of Bitey-Face, Part 1

Before I entered my formal edjumacation at Petco U., I was home schooled. Which, among other things, included a lot of hours spent watching the History Channel while Mom and Dad were off bye-sickle-ing and car racing and doing whatever else it is that they do. The History Channel is great because you can learn all sorts of cool historical stuff, like how to build your own trebuchet and why Howard Carter is responsible for most of the Mummy movies . But I also learned about 'The Art of War' that this Chinese guy named Sun Tzu wrote about a million years ago (which would be about the time TaiChi was entering middle age). Very clever guy, this guy Sun. (Or is it Tzu? I get confused that way.)

Anyhoo, with the arrival of the Puppy Monster, I have decided that I should return to my studies of military tactics, and will be presenting to you, over time, my interpretation of Sun Tzu's work. I call it "The Art of Bitey-Face".

1: Other conditions being equal, if one force is hurled against another ten times its size, the result will be the flight of the former.

2:The skillful fighter puts himself into a position which makes defeat impossible, and does not miss the moment for defeating the enemy.


3:Ponder and deliberate before you make a move.


4: Reduce the hostile chiefs by inflicting damage on them; and make trouble for them, and keep them constantly engaged;

The 5th and Final Lesson of the Day: All armies prefer high ground to low.


I have to go back and study the book a bit more, because I know that he has a big section on maneuvering, but I can't remember what he has to say about levitation...


Thus concludes today's lesson on the Art of Bitey-Face.

*kissey face*
-Fiona

It's MY bloggie and I'm going to vent. So there.

If I hear “cute puppy” this or “smart puppy” that or “what a good puppy” One More Time, I think I’m going to hurl. Seriously. The Little Monster goes to PetCo for her Puppy Class and Mom comes back gushing about what a wonderful puppy the beast Abby is, and how everyone at the store thinks she’s So Cute. Oh please. They only see a hotdog-eating, eager-to-please little ball of fluff. They don’t see the monster that she becomes at home.

Good grief. You can see her tonsils.

That's my ear!!!

Even Mom and Dad buy into her shtick. I mean, they get so excited when she poops outside. Woo-hoo. That’s definitely Nobel prize-worthy. *sheesh*

And yesterday? Yesterday totally takes the cake. Mom takes The Monster to puppy class (which is still a class of one – probably because no one else wants to contaminate their dog by being around the Spawn of Satan), and the store is hosting a pet photo thing. So Mom gets some pictures of Abby looking (and I quote) “angelic”. Angelic?!? I think Mom must be stopping by the pub next door or something while Abby is sucking up to the dog trainer, because “angelic”? Not the Abby that I know. I take that back. She can work it when she wants to. I mean, here is the face that she puts on when she's suckering people into buying her Cute Puppy Act.

*gag*

Note from Mom: PetCo was doing one of those fund-raising things, and well, I couldn't help myself. And actually the first 6 pictures we got were a disaster as Abby couldn’t sit still to save her life. But we took a few more after class, after we had been practicing ‘sit’ and ‘down’ for quite a while, and yep. She’s cute. Painfully cute. We are getting hard copies of the pictures (alas, we couldn’t get digital copies), so when they arrive, I’ll figure out how to post them. But OMD. Abby was really working the Cute Puppy thing. Unfortunately, the photographer won’t be there tomorrow when Fi has class, so we’ll have to wait to get her portrait done…

*sigh*

But, at least I can still bitey-face her.

And while she thinks she can do snow-zoomies...

Here short little leggies means that she pretty much sticks to the places where the snow has melted.

While I can enjoy the snow in all its wonderfulness! Because I am all long-leggity-like.

*neener neener*

*kissey face* (unless you are Abby, in which case it is bitey-face all the way)
-Fiona