Monday, June 20, 2011

Our Dream Date with Mango

As you may (or may not) know, Mango is running a kind of contest where a lucky gal (or pair of sisters) will get to go on a Dream Date with Mango! Truth be told, Abby and I have both harbored secret crushes on the Relentlessly Huge for AGES. I mean, the jowls, the drooling, the lipstick. What's not to love?

However, Abby and I have come to recognize that we may not be Mango's "type." I have a feeling he prefers his gals a little more mature (and I don't mean older, I mean less, goofy, er, exuberant) and more on the full-figured side. Mango weighs more than Dad. The two of us combined are barely one half of Mango. So, we were kind of thinking that we might not be the lucky gals who win their dream date with the Mango. Not pleased with that, we thought we'd be proactive, and fly the Mango out here. He said he was looking for a great adventure, and we figured that between the two of us, we could give Mango a Truly Great Adventure. We did our best to show Mango a good time! Note: the pictures should be biggified for best effect.

We reinforced AirFiona with heavy-duty cardboard, and flew the RH out to Park City for a Great Adventure the likes of which he had never experienced before! And may never want to experience again... But hey, it was a Great Adventure!

It was a little sketchy clearing the Rockies (I should have used an extra-heavy-duty rubber band, as AirFiona was pretty close to its payload limits...), but we made it safely to Park City.

While Park City is known as a ski town, there are lots of fun things to do in the summer, too. We know that the RH is not a big fan of long hikes or swimming, or other activities that require a lot of physical exertion, so we thought we'd find some activities that would be more suited to his, ah, gravitationally agreeable self.

In 2002, Salt Lake City hosted the Winter Olympics, and Park City was the site of many of the skiing/hurtling-down-mountains events. Not far from our house is the Utah Olympic Park, site of the ski jumping, bobsled, luge and skeleton events. Since all of these events involve getting from the top of the mountain to the bottom of the mountain (rather than going from the bottom to the top, which involves a lot of work), we thought the Mango would be interested.

Our first stop was the bobsled. The Olympic Park runs 'bobsled adventures' in both winter and summer, so non-professionals such as ourselves (and Mango) can experience flying down a track at a zillion miles an hour. It sounded good to us. And with an experienced driver at the wheel, what could go wrong?

Well.... once Mango got in the summer sled, it turned out there wasn't room for anyone else, like the driver or the brakeman. So, they gave him a push and told him to hold on...

Having discovered Mango's inner 'need for speed' we thought we'd head over to the ski jumps. While we weren't completely sure how aerodynamic Mango would be, we figured his Relentlessly Huge self would pick up enough momentum on the 120 meter jump that he'd fly when he hit the take-off.

With a little coaxing (and a big push), Mango went flying down the jump. Needless to say, Abby and I were extremely impressed with the athleticism displayed by the flying mastiff. I think someone should contact the Norwegian nordic ski team!

We considered signing Mango up for a skeleton lesson. Hey, we had Mom's magic plastic card - it's not like these adventures were costing us anything. We were certain skeleton would be the perfect sport for him, combining his gravitationally agreeable body with his desire to be in the prone position as much as possible. But for some reason, we couldn't convince him to give it a try.

After nixing a skeleton lesson for Mango, we thought he might enjoy something a little more, ah, relaxing. So, we convinced Mom to drive us to Snowbird, where we thought a nice tram ride up to the top of the mountain would allow Mango to take in the fresh mountain air, enjoy the scenery, and spend some quality time with us, without having to exert any effort on his part.

After a nice, calm, scenic ride on the tram, we thought we'd give Snowbird's alpine slide a try. I mean, what's the point of living in the mountains if you can't go flying down them?

After the alpine slide, Mom suggested that maybe we had terrorized tired out Mango enough for one day, and we should head home. Abby and I had a great time during our adventures with Mango. We're sporty girls, and we figured that if Mango was engaged in activities that allowed him to use his Relentlessly Huge self in combination with the forces of gravity, he'd have a good time. But apparently, Mango's idea of a dream date was a little more, ah, dreamy, if you know what I'm saying...


Still, we were really thrilled to be able to provide Mango with a Great Adventure. We were in the fresh air, we got to hang out with the world famous Mango, and we were able to avoid getting completely covered in drool. And he was a good sport - I don't think he expected to be hurtling down mountains, but he did really well for being the canine version of Howard Hughes (hey... Mango said himself he's a bit of a recluse...). I'm not sure if we were able to convince Mango that we'd be the perfect set of sisters to take on a date in MasterChewSits, but we sure hope that he'll be willing to consider squiring us around his hometown. Pretty please!

Thanks for the most excellent date, Mango!

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

Disclaimer from Mom: No mastiffs were hurt in the making of this post. Also, all of the pictures from the Olympic Park and Snowbird were downloaded from each site's official 'Press photos' page and are not my own, so please, no one sue me!


rottrover said...

Oh Fiona and Abby! Mom is crying with laughter!! Clearly you two showed the RH the time of his life!! What fun! Mom especially loved Air Fiona :-)

Alas, all I have to offer him is my teacup rottie self. But I'm not out of the running!!


(HAHA - vari word is imyofi!!! HAHAHA I'm yo' Fi!!!!)

Benny and Lily said...

Momma is practically doing pee pee in her pants laughing! You are some stiff competition, BOL
Benny & Lily

bichonpawz said...

This is GREAT!!! What a FAB time you should the Mango!!! Excellent job you two!! xoxo Chloe and LadyBug

Maggie and Mitch said...

Mango looks like he's having the time of his life! You girls definitely spiced up his normal everyday activities! hehehehe

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Mango said...

Unbelievable! The Mango is exhausted! I wonder if I could build some of those rides in my back yard?


Frankie Furter said...

Abby and Fiona.. Judging from the RH's comment... you may just have opened up a Whole New Lifestyle for him!!

I loved every single moment of this!!

Kari in WeHo said...

Looks to me like you had a great time!


Minna Krebs said...


That was most excellent!!!!! Mango may never want to return to his Estate after that date.

Amber-Mae said...

OH MY!!! That was one helluva date!

Beans4Biscuits said...

I wanted to enter the Mango-mans dating contest but how am I supposed to top THAT date??? Hot dang that was sumptin!

Sugar the Who

houndstooth said...

We were laughing so hard that we had to stop a couple times and wipe the tears from our eyes! I think Mango should consider himself lucky to have gone on a date with you two girls!


Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

We know Pretty Girl truly appreciates skilled competitors, and you ladies did an excellent job entertaining the RH! However, you have technically had your date with the Mango now, so shouldn't you be DQ'd, Abby has to wonder? BTW, Pretty Girl was actally hoping the date with Mango might involve an exotic locate; Hawaii springs to mind. But Park City is looking pretty good; Pretty Girl would love all those activities you shared with the RH. Should the Mango's affections be bestowed elsewhere, perhaps Pretty Girl could visit you ladies and do it all again? We could come, too :)

Jed & Abby the Legal Beagle Extraordinaire

Honey the Great Dane said...

Oh Fiona & Abby - I'm so so so SO sorry for not coming round to visit sooner!! Especially when I heard about your Dad's sickies! (actually, I did pop over for updates after I heard about his sickies and was glad to read that he was out of hospital - I just didn't have any time to leave comments!) - anyway, I'm really glad to hear that things are slowly getting back to normal now.

Looks like you had a dream date with the Relentlessly Huge! :-)

Honey the Great Dane

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

What an excellent fun date!!! Thanks for the giggles!

The Army of Four said...

Now that sounds like a heck of a good time to me and Dave! Just toss some snow in there, some bitey-face and zoomies with you babes and I think it sounds like the PERFECT date!!!
Play bows,

1000 Goldens said...

RH is lucky to have such great adventures with you ladies :)

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Just think of the EXTRA fun if woo had Air Fi stop HERE fur me -

His Mango heart would be thump thump thumpin'


Sierra Rose said...

Totally over-the-top adventure! Wowwee! You two really know how to put on the fun day :) Surely Mango had a blast and you will be packing your bags to visit MA soon!

Sweet hugs,
Sierra Rose