Abby is a Bad Sport. As such, I'm entering her in the Bad Sport category in MangoMinster 2011.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I know Bad Sports when I see them, and Abby is a Bad Sport. You know that extra 15 pounds Abby has on me? I have a feeling that she's channeling all 15 pounds of Great Uncle Billy the Evil.
I should have known when Mom and Dad first brought her home that I was in trouble.
She had ALL the toys. First night home.
And MY large-doggie Dingo
And she was trying to steal MY chewie, even though she already had one of her own (and she didn’t even have real teeth).
Rotten little puppy. I mean, it wasn’t like I had something she didn’t. She just wanted what I had. This hasn’t changed, BTW. If I’ve got something, she wants it – not because she doesn’t have one of whatever it is, but merely because I’ve got it. And she employs her super-sharp-specifically-designed-to—annoy bark until Mom and Dad can’t take it any longer and give Abby what she wants. Bad Sport! Oy.
This should have been an indicator of things to come. Keep in mind that I was a wizened year and a half old at this point, and Abby the Evil was but 8 weeks. Eight weeks!!!
Crazy Eyes at an early age.
At a mere 10 weeks old, she had already started her plans for World Domination by taking the top spot on the stairs. Yeah, I was SO out of there!
She even created her own secret underground lair. Only evil super-geniuses have secret underground lairs, right?
Stealing food? Yep. She does it. Here she’s trying to steal Mom’s birthday cake!!! I mean, how low can you get?!? And Mom had to do everything she possibly could to protect her cake.
And a bully? She was bullying me when she was just a wee thing.
"But Fi," you're saying, "She is just a puppy. How can she possibly be considered a Bad Sport when she's just doing puppy things?"
Yeah, well, you can be a Bad Sport at any age, and it's not like she ever grew out of any of this behavior.
She still bullies me.
My poor ear!!!
She's scary. Seriously scary.
Oh, and she's possessed. She's got crazy eyes. And see that backwards head? Demonic possession. I think demonic possession totally qualifies her to be a Bad Sport.
Oh, and Mom is helping me write this at 8:30pm, and Abby keeps tossing one of her stuffed balls onto Mom's computer (really - she can throw balls with annoying accuracy) keyboard because Mom is not paying attention to her. You know, other than writing a post All About Her. *sigh*
But I know you are still thinking that she's just a Cracker dog. Nope. She doesn't do ANYTHING unless there is a treat involved. It is like -2 degrees out, and she won't come in until Mom PROVES that she's got Bil-jacs. Seriously.
See that look on her face? Yep. She's not budging until the Bil-jacs are produced. (And she was born on the ice planet Hoth, so she can sit in the snow ALL DAY LONG.)
Other proof that she's a Bad Sport?!?
1) No stuffie is safe from her:
2) She has gone to more 'remedial obedience' classes than I can count...
She failed the first time for bullying cute little doggies, so she had to go back.
She failed the second time for being a total nudge. Now we can only sign her up for classes that are 'by invitation only'. And when we do go, she fakes good behavior for turkey hotdogs.
3) She is a shameless hussy who assumes shameless poses simply to interrupt my hike (and embarrass me)...
And, worst of all,
4) She LEAVES TENNIS BALLS IN THE POND!!! Gah!!!
Seriously. Tennis balls. Left. In the pond. *sigh*
Abby is a Bad Sport. That's all there is to it.
***I know there are going to be questions about how I can possibly be a fair judge for a class in which my own sister is competing. There are three answers to this question:
- I am not a Bad Sport, and while a Bad Sport might pick their own sister, I’m a good dog, and have no bias,
- I know what stuff she has, and she doesn't have ANYTHING that remotely resembles a decent bribe (I did mention that I am open to bribes, right? This IS the Bad Sport category, after all. Bribes are pretty much standard here...)
- Finally and most importantly (although bribes are pretty important), I live with this monster; do you really think I want to further encourage her behavior? Yeah, not so much.
Oh, and the only way Mom and I were able to finish this post? Mom had to give Abby one of those ginormous dingos to chew on to keep her occupied. She's diabolical, I'm telling you. And even MORE diabolical because since Mom has started this post (which was DAYS ago), Abby has all-of-a-sudden started to behave really well (fr'instance, she comes when she's called - what's up with that?!?). Which makes me VERY suspicious. I think she's faking this good behavior stuff. I'm just saying...
-Fiona, Bad Sport Judge and long-suffering sister